Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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