I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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