Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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