You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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