..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
