The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
