She is in my trunk
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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