She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
