you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
