Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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