What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This toilet bowl is my home.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state