I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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