She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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