I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
