i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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