I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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