I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
