Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize