We're like a lot better than the average bears
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
