You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
