maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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