When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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