3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
