oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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