and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
