Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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