I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
foreskin is a definite game changer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
