I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
