I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
