i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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