and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
