census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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