and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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