Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
