so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
