He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
