She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
