Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
