Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
