so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
