She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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