ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
