You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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