I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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