just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
