So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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