don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
