So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
