the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize