tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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