Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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