8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
