I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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