the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
