And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
