Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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