We're like a lot better than the average bears
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
