conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize