She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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