I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
