he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
